Free Emotional Abuse TEST
If you’re looking for an example of emotional abuse, this test for emotional abuse covers 19 different types.
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Each example of emotional abuse will bring you clarity if you…
- have been to years of couple therapy or marriage therapy and things haven’t improved.
- suspect your husband is lying or gaslighting.
- wonder why your husband is angry all the time about little things.
3 MINUTES
19 QUESTIONS
It’s likely not just “all in your head.” You’ll learn to recognize the 19 tactics your husband or male partner may be using.
First published in 2023, this test for emotional abuse has helped over 90,300 women who resonate with each unique example of emotional abuse.
You deserve to understand what’s happening and find a path to emotional safety and peace.
We’ll help you answer the question: Is He Emotionally Abusive?
Does something feel off in your marriage? This free test includes each example of emotional abuse you need to determine what’s going on with your husband.
This type of abuse often hides in plain sight. It can be subtle and leave you questioning your reality. That’s why real life examples can help you see it clearly.
Here’s the best test that takes all 19 obvious (but little known) emotional abuse tactics into account.
The MOST COMMON Example of Emotional Abuse from a Husband
If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Is it really abuse if he’s never laid a hand on me?”, you’re not alone. It may be easier to see if you have an example of emotional abuse.
Many women married or partnered with emotionally abusive men feel confused, drained, or like they’re “losing it,” but they can’t quite pinpoint why.
That’s because emotional abuse is rarely screaming or overt threats. It often hides behind invisible lies and manipulation.
Lying (Even About the Small Stuff)
The most common form of emotional abuse is lying, usually about how he feels, where he’s been, and what he’s up to. You may catch him in small lies that don’t make sense or he may contradict what he told you yesterday.
When confronted, he might shift blame, minimize, or say “You’re overreacting.”
But lying isn’t just about facts. It’s about rewriting your shared reality to undermine your intuition.
Another Example of Emotional Abuse
This is a real-life example of emotional abuse, especially common in marriages where the husband wants control how his wife perceives him.
Countering (Invalidating Your Reality)
You say, “That really hurt me,” and he replies, “You’re too sensitive.”
You remember something clearly, and he insists it never happened.
This is called countering. It’s a tactic where he disputes your memory, feelings, or interpretation of events to keep control of the narrative. Over time, you may find yourself second-guessing everything, even your own emotions.
Other Subtle but Devastating Tactics to Watch For
Withholding Information
He doesn’t technically lie, but he also doesn’t tell you the full truth.
He “forgets” to mention he had lunch with a female coworker. He doesn’t tell you about financial decisions that affect the family. He withholds affection, information, or clarity, keeping you in a fog of uncertainty. While insisting he’s being honest.
This is a form of emotional manipulation that makes him the gatekeeper of reality. Getting away from it will help you thrive.
Stonewalling (Shutting You Out Emotionally)
When he doesn’t want to be held accountable, he stops conversation. It can come in many forms:
- Walking away mid-conversation.
- Staring at his phone while you talk.
- Giving you the silent treatment for hours or even days.
Stonewalling is emotional abuse. It sends the message: “You don’t matter.”
Accusing You of What He’s Doing (Projection)
He accuses you of cheating, lying, or not being committed to the marriage. But you know those accusations have no basis in reality. Deep down, you may even suspect he’s the one doing those things.
Projection is a classic emotional abuse tactic. It deflects attention from his own wrongdoing and keeps you on the defensive.
Shifting the Blame
When you try to talk about how his actions affect you, he flips the script:
- “You’re always nagging.”
- “If you weren’t so insecure, I wouldn’t have to lie.”
- “You’re impossible to talk to.”
Blaming you when you didn’t do anything wrong is an example of emotional abuse to pay attention to.
Minimizing Your Pain
You express hurt, and he laughs it off. Or worse, he says, “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
This sends the message that your feelings aren’t valid. Minimizing your emotional pain manipulates you to stay quiet, disconnected, and unsure of what’s real.
Rewriting History
You try to confront something he said or did in the past, but suddenly the story changes. He tells you it didn’t happen that way or that you’re remembering it wrong.
Over time, these tiny edits to shared memories leave you wondering if you’re the problem. This is a powerful form of gaslighting, and it’s probably the most damaging example of emotional abuse.
Performing for Others, Withholding at Home
He’s charming in public, helpful at church, generous with friends, but distant, irritable, or dismissive at home. The contrast is dizzying.
This leaves you feeling isolated, because no one else sees what you see. Worse, if you speak up, people may think you’re the one causing the tension.
Making You the “Crazy One”
You try to make sense of what’s happening, but every conversation turns into an attack on your character:
- “You need help.”
- “You’re unstable.”
- “No one else would put up with you.”
This emotional abuse tactic isn’t random. It’s designed to break your confidence and make you dependent on his version of reality. Take our emotional abuse test to see if it’s happening to you.
Symptoms that Accompany Each Example of Emotional Abuse
You don’t just feel “off.” You’re being affected deeply. On a daily basis.
A woman married to or partnered with an emotionally abusive husband is often unaware she’s experiencing symptoms of emotional abuse. Why? Because he blames her or tells her she’s “too emotional.” But these are common emotional abuse symptoms, and they’re signs your nervous system is working overtime to survive.
Here are some examples of what victims of emotional abuse might say:
Constant Confusion
“I feel like I’m always trying to figure out what just happened—what he meant, why he changed, whether I’m the problem.”
Self-Doubt
“I question myself constantly. I used to be confident. Now, I second-guess even the smallest decisions.”
Fear of Conflict
“I walk on eggshells. I avoid bringing things up because I already know how it won’t go well.”
Emotional Numbness
“I don’t even know what I feel anymore. It’s like I shut down just to get through the day.”
Guilt for Having Needs
“I feel selfish for asking for anything: time, help, even honesty. I’ve been told I expect too much.”
Isolation & Loneliness
“I feel completely alone, even when I’m sitting right next to him. It’s like I’m invisible.”
Feeling “Crazy”
“I try to explain what’s going on, and somehow I’m always the problem. I’ve started to wonder if I’m losing my mind.”
Each of these is an example of emotional abuse.
It’s not because you’re weak, but because his choices would confuse and deplete anybody.
Each Example of Emotional Abuse Proves that You’re Not “Too Sensitive.” You’re Being Harmed.
If you recognized yourself in just one example of emotional abuse, you’re not imagining things. And you’re not alone.
Emotionally abusive men chip away at your sense of self until you feel exhausted, confused, and numb.
But healing starts with clarity. When you can name the tactics, you can stop internalizing the harm.
You don’t have to do this alone. The daily Group Sessions at Betrayal Trauma Recovery help women just like you break free from emotional abuse. You deserve clarity, not chaos.
I’m so grateful I found this emotional abuse test. It helped me more than therapy because it just listed everything out! And it led me to your online support group which changed my life. I felt safe and supported while making hard choices that improved my situation drastically. Thank you!
Finding this test for emotional abuse was life changing for me because it helped me find the Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast. I’ve learned so much from listening to the stories of other women who have experienced this! Thank YOU!”
I’m so grateful I found BTR! The information is here is so different from anywhere else. I never feel like the emotional abuse I experienced is my fault and now have the tools to create emotional safety. It was a miracle I found BTR when I did!
There was a long period of time where I thought therapy was helping. How did I not realize it was making things worse?!? One day I searched for an example of emotional abuse and found BTR everything changed. Now I’m finally making progress.
Empowering beyond words. I’m so grateful for my BTR Coach!
I haven’t found such amazing support in 14 years of individual counseling, marital counseling, or several marriage intensives. BTR Coaches are the BEST.
BTR Coaches are wonderful. Each example of emotional abuse they shared and tools they teach improved my situation so much!
BTR is the only support organisation I’ve found that ‘gets it’. Unlike other therapists/support groups, there’s no need for me to be on guard against questionable and possibly dangerous advice. Thank you!!!
At Betrayal Trauma Recovery, We Get It.
Every woman on our team has experienced emotional abuse from a husband and can share a real-life example of emotional abuse with you.
We’ve all suffered from Betrayal Trauma due to his lies, manipulation, gaslighting, and countering.
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Where can I get Support?
This video will answer all of your questions about our online support group for women that experience their husband’s emotional abuse.